This week, I had a run in with a toddler. By toddler, I mean he was 37. In DMW, (Divorced Man's World), apparently at 37 they regress back to the developmental stages of a tot. I can now empathise with my parent friends who complain about the "terrible twos." It was the sort of tantrum you wish you had filmed and went viral on YouTube. At least you'd have earned loads of cash for enduring the toys coming out of the pram. Sadly I had no such foresight.

ManChild left his laptop in the boot of my car. My car got clamped (Mazeltov Westminster), and, as any decent ManChild would do, he demanded the return of his laptop with 30 minutes notice. Whilst I was still at work. Being a woman, and therefore the maturer of the species, I handed over the car key so he could go get his toy. Except the car had gone. He said stolen; I say impounded is more likely, given my track record. Plus, I drive an Alfa. No-one needs to steal one of those.

So the tantrum ensues. I did what any sensible girl would do and drank a bottle of prosecco while he self soothed. (Moët is off the menu as it makes me not get on planes. See last week). 


Prosecco, and, indeed, any other alcohol, is a toxin. As is coffee, junk food and any other material that passes my lips. Toxins manifest in the hip flexor complex (where the thigh joins the hip). I don't mean the toxins manifest and make your ass fatter (although they will do that eventually), but rather they create an environment of less flexibility within the hip joint and the muscles tighten up. 

Other convenient ways to restrict your own hip movement are sitting down all day at your desk, driving a lot and even when working out, not using the range of movement in extension of the hip (taking the leg behind you). 

To stretch the front of the hip, get on your knees and step the R foot forwards. Transfer your weight forwards into an almost lunge. HOWEVER: the key to an efficient stretch here is the pelvic alignment. Squeeze your L butt cheek before you move forwards so the pelvis remains neutral. 

Taking this a step further, the psoas is another gem of a muscle which is deep set and gets very tight with the aforementioned activities. From your hip flexor stretch, take the same arm as the leg you are stretching and reach it up high. Lean slightly away from it until the stretch continues into your torso. 

Longer legs right there peeps.

If you've suffered an attack of a 6ft toddler and have tight hips, contact me here

Oh - the car was never impounded. He just didn't see it on the street in front of him. Laptop and child are now reunited and doing well.