Last week, I may have made some remarks about cyclists not having brains. Or being ass hats. Whilst some of this is still true, I fear I have spoken too soon. But let's start from the beginning here.

I have spent the last week throwing up. A lot. Apocalyptic stuff. The I-most-definitely-have-gut-cancer-from-too-many-McNuggets genre of puking (looked into suing Ronald - unlikely win for me. Apparently we eat McNuggets at our own risk). A friend of mine went for a CT scan (deffo brain cancer) and another had a weird mark on her shin (leg cancer right there). We looked into group discounts for oncologists, and also, funerals. Whilst I was busy planning the upbeat yet tearful playlist for my memorial service (Will Young, Evergreen works a treat), the guy I'm dating this week, Captain Sensible, was booking me in for blood tests and some examinations of my abdomen. He is a Doctor after all. Note: the rule for dating Doctors is they either ignore you completely, or they are certain you're dying. 

It turns out I'm not dying (yay), but we are mourning the death of my social life for the foreseeable. No more Mo√ęt, McNuggets or McFun. For six months. Ish. 


So I start to investigate what people do when they don't drink or eat crap food every night after work and at weekends. Turns out, they have hobbies. I need a hobby. On Friday last week, in a vomit induced fuzz, Dr.C took me to a charity cycling event. In a pub. As I drowned in San Pellegrino, the others assumed I was there to sign up. I was too hungry and sober to argue. So I'm now cycling through the Alps over four days at the end of the summer. It's called Le Cure De France (cancer charity - apt for my non stomach cancer). And now I have to eat my cyclist hating words and get a bike and get fit. Maxwell is coming too. I'm unsure how to altitude train a dachshund. 

As for exercises, this week we can only focus on some gentle breathing work whilst I come to terms with my new sensible life and training schedule.  

Lying on your R side, knees bent, left hand over your L rib cage. Breathe only into the one lung several times trying to expand the ribs more each time. Do this as much as you like. Repeat on the other side. Great at night before bed, and also for people with respiratory disorders.  

If, like me, you are not dying but a little bit of a you has actually died a little, contact me here.

Donate to Le Cure de France here