Oh look - another Black Friday sale email. Except this one is selling you sh*t you actually need. To get off your ass and look less like a troll and more like a swan. Or something like that.
I've had some crap presents in my time. Someone once bought me two goats for an underprivileged family in Africa. GOATS? Are you kidding me? Was Selfridges closed? And can I name them? Do I get bi-annual updates with pictures of how they're growing up and where they live? I imagine two extra mouths to feed on top of their poverty problems is not ideal. But hey ho. Somewhere in the world I own a couple of goats. I wish I'd got a BalletFit voucher instead.
Then there was the time the guy I was seeing bought me a Porsche for my 30th. He turned up at my door with the keys. I sent him away. It was a Boxster. Nuff said. Don't insult me with mediocre transport. I wish I'd got a BalletFit voucher instead.
So you get the drift. Buy someone a BalletFit voucher this holidays. It's fifty quid, I do all the hard work and you get to know you've sent a cracking gift.
If you're thinking of buying cattle for someone this season, then contact me here to up the gift ante.