I’m not a sharer. I don’t like stuff that isn’t about me. I certainly don’t like giving away my money when I could be spending it on BA.com or Net-a-Porter. Why would I want the responsibility of keeping a child alive in Africa as well as myself this week? Someone mentioned the tax breaks on charity donations. You know what’s better than a tax break? Keeping your money.


What I do offer though, is my time, and skills set. Far more valuable to any charity (as long as it’s not a Donkey Sanctuary - they can’t do Pilates) than the 50 quid a month I have spare after rent, bills, cars, drinks, shoes, Milky Bars, flights and sweaters for Max.

 

This month I’m Mother f***ing Theresa, helping out both Mitzvah Day and The Rugby Portobello Trust.


Mitzvah Day I’ve been doing for years and I love it. It’s a charity day based in the Jewish faith, meaning good deed. Generally we stand outside Waitrose, bullying middle class tired mothers into buying some tinned food and tampons for those in need. The bit I love though is dragging all the other religions along too, whether they like each other or not. Yeah, that’s right God Squad, you’re all gonna have to stand together here and feed the hungry. Max the sausage dog comes too; he adds a threatening presence to anyone daring not to purchase some extra Frosties.


The other thing I’m doing this year is for RPT; by donating a load of sessions with me for their annual charity auction. We all know RPT for the amazing work they did post Grenfell, and they continue to do some awesome stuff in West London every day. I’ll be at said auction; I’m quite interested to know how much I sell for.

 

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So, if you have some cans of lentils you’ve had in the cupboard for a decade and are certain you still don’t like pulses, come give them to me on Nov 18th, 1200 onwards outside Waitrose West End Lane NW6. Then go into Waitrose and buy something that even homeless people want to eat cos lentils won’t cut it.


If you want to come support the RPT with me, I will be doing what I do best - eating canapés and drinking Möet on Nov 13th 6-9pm. Tickets are £20 and can be purchased here.


If you want to buy six hours with me at a much higher price than usual, click here. Proceeds aren’t for me obvs.


Once Charity November is out the way, I can’t wait to get back to spending all my money on myself until Christmas.