This week, I got to thinking about the value of things. Since my mechanic told me I drove my car like I stole it, and I need to buy a new one, I tried compiling a list of cars I might want. And then quickly vetoed them with reasons they are not worth it. Some of the highlights include:  

BMW M3: Since no BMW ever knowingly used their indicators, I feel this is an unnecessary cost in the building of a BMW. 

Fiat 500 Abarth: “Oh look at that cinquecento in that lovely cappuccino colour” SAID NO ONE EVER

Range Rover/X5/Cayman etc:  “For someone who needs such a large car, she sure has no problem sausage stuffing herself into leggings every morning” Is a phrase never to be used against me. So I won’t buy a Chelsea tractor.

Mercedes SLK AMG: Because I’m not a hairdresser. Or an estate agent. And because the moron at Mercedes brought out the AMG LINE for me to test drive “because I was a girl and he assumed that’s what I meant.” D**k.

Audi A3: Because I’m not wearing orthopaedic shoes or sticking to the speed limit anywhere. The RS3 I will however consider.

Lotus Elise: Because I don’t want to be going up in a ball of flames wrapped around a tree next week.

Alfa 4C: Oh yeah. That’s what I want. That’s £40k well spent if you ask me.

That’s that then. Decision made. Make sure you beep when you see me driving by in my new SexWagon.


Now, the one thing I’m going to need to do this (aside from a load of cash), is strong arms. Yes, ignoramuses, the Alfa 4C has NO POWER STEERING. Which of course makes me want it more. Much like when an ex Boyf gets a new girlfriend: then I want him. But never at any other time. Only when it’s impossible. So the impossible car is catnip to me. How will I do this? Strong arms. That’s how.

We need resistance for this; a theraband. Stand on one end of the band, hold the other in one hand. Extend the arm above the head, so the band is taught and behind you, then flex only from the elbow and drop the hand behind your head. Extend and repeat as many things as you can. This is your TRICEPS.

Then we stand with both feet in the middle of the band, holding each end in either hand. Glue your elbows to your waist then flex from the elbows again, bringing your fists up to your shoulders, then lower with control. Keep your shoulders back and down throughout. This is your BICEPS.

Voila. Now I’m strong enough (and single enough) to buy a 4C. If you need stronger arms for your next SexWagon contact me here.