Serendipity is when the lovely folk at SixtyNinety send me some free bikinis to tart around on Instagram, one day before I leave for Miami. Serendipity is when a client of mine tells me the Tiny White Man I’ve been seeing is actually seeing someone else, on the same day a taller, black man leaves his phone number on my car. And drives an F-Type R. Clearly the Gods of Swimwear and ManToys are in my Zodiac this week.
Being mugged off by TWM isn’t so bad. He’s had regular appearances on the Rhiann Show for over 3 years now. A sort of local provider of snacks, if you will. Who also happens to deal with my printing needs from his local office when I have an unresolved parking fine to deal with. He’s all penis measurement and big hair anyway. And I can’t date someone who brings back an airport shaped gift with the words “I Love You” where the word “Toblerone” should be.
What we must be grateful to TWM for, however, is introducing me to the consultant Cardiologist who is now referring patients to me for Cardiac Rehab. No relationship is a total waste if the result is a steady stream of business sent my way.
SO, ladies and gents, this is the week (well, next week actually as I’m in Miami with a gin the size of my head as I write this), that you can access bespoke Cardiac Rehab services from BalletFit.com. This means, in your own home, with 100% of my attention solely on you NOT having a heart attack, and not surrounded by 40 other peasants (sorry *patients*) in an NHS community services facility.
Those who engage in cardiac rehab post myocardial infarction have a 60% better chance of survival. That’s better odds than TWM has of surviving the shame of this blog.
If you need life saving by me, as per usual email me at firstname.lastname@example.org.